This is mainly just a place for me to dump good/funny/deep quotes as I come across them, to eventually be used as part of a random tagline script, or just for my own amusement.. Feel free to add your own via comments and I'll merge them with the main list and give you credit :)

Douglas Adams

• He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
• I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
• The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
• There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
• You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
• To summarize the summary of the summary: People are a problem.

Catherine Aird

• If you cant be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Woody Allen

• If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
• It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off
• My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Ashleigh Brilliant

• I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Gautama Buddha

• There is no wealth like knowledge, and no poverty like ignorance.
• Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
• People with opinions just go around bothering each other.

Thomas-des-bois

• Imagine someone who wakes up in a cosy home, who eats a good and healthy meal, who goes out to do some jumping around until supper time and then watches tv in his couch for the rest of the evening, eating candy. This could describe most of us, even me, but this is not doing Parkour, this is not being strong. Being strong would be waking up after a short, cold night's sleep, with nothing to eat, in a remote area, with bruises all over your body, and having to do the biggest saut de bras in your life if you want to survive.

George Carlin

• Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?

Confucius

• To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness.

Billy Crystal

• Women need a reason to have sex, Men just need a place.

Albert Einstein

• It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder
• Imagination is more important than knowledge...
• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
• The important thing is not to stop questioning.
• The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

• Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail

Mahatma Gandhi

• First, they ignore. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.
• When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always
• An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
• There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for.
• Man is the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.
• The Rich must live more simply so that the Poor may simply live.
• Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
• Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
• The ideally non-violent state will be an ordered anarchy
• Truth alone will endure; all the rest will be swept away before the tide of time.
• Speak only if it improves upon the silence.
• I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
• God has no religion

Hermann Göring

• Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. ...Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.

Matt Groening

• Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Bill Hicks

• "I realized our true nature is spirit, not body, we are eternal beings. God's love is unconditional and there's nothing we can ever do to change that. It is only our illusion that we are seperate from God or that we are alone, in fact the reality is we are One with God, and he loves us...

  Now if that isn't a hazard to this country... how are we gonna keep building nuclear weapons, I mean what's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we are all one... It's gonna fcuk up the economy, the economy thats fake anyway... which woudl be a real bummer. I can see why the government is cracking down on experiencing unconditional love."

• "Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves"
• "The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and hey come back to us, they say, "Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because – it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."
• It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom. Keep that in mind at all times.
• Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
• Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?
• I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)
• They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
• You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
• We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
• It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Victor Hugo

• An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.

Samuel Johnson

• All wonder is the effect of novelty on ignorance.
• A man had rather have a hundred lies told of him than one truth which he does not wish should be told.
• A man who uses a great many words to express his meaning is like a bad marksman who, instead of aiming a single stone at an object, takes up a handful and throws at it in hopes he may hit.

Friedrich Nietzsche

• If a man wishes to rid himself of a feeling of unbearable oppression, he may have to take to Hashish

Alferd Packer - Trey Parker in Cannibal! The Musical (Thanks Nellie)

• Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.

John Pilger

• There is no War on Terrorism; it is the great game speeded up. The difference is the rampant nature of the superpower, ensuring infinite dangers for us all
• It is not enough for journalists to see themselves as mere messengers without understanding the hidden agendas of the message and myths that surround it

Plato

• Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
• Ignorance, the root and the stem of every evil.
• The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.
• Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

Terry Pratchett

• Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life

Reynolds Price

• "A need to tell and hear stories is essential to the species Homo sapiens--second in necessity apparently after nourishment and before love and shelter. Millions survive without love or home, almost none in silence; the opposite of silence leads quickly to narrative, and the sound of story is the dominant sound of our lives, from the small accounts of our day's events to the vast incommunicable constructs of psychopaths."

Richard Pryor

• Im not addicted to cocaine... I just like the way it smells.

Homer Simpson

• If you want results, press the red button. The rest are useless.
• Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
• Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
• [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
• When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
• I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good
• idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
• Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
• Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
• Homer no function beer well without.
• But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
• Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
• I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

Tupac Shakur

• All I'm trying to do is survive and make good out of the dirty, nasty, unbelievable lifestyle that they gave me.
• I don't have no fear of death. My only fear is coming back reincarnated.
• I'm 23 years old. I might just be my mother's child, but in all reality, I'm everybody's child. Nobody raised me; I was raised in this society.
• In my mind I'm a blind man doin' time.
• Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?
• It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave.
• My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for.'
• Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
• Somebody help me, tell me where to go from here cause even Thugs cry, but do the Lord care?
• Sometimes when I'm drunk I think to myself, Should I just stop trying and give up? They're waiting for me to give up. So this is just a fun little game that I cry at sometime.

Lao-Tzu

• He who knows others is wise; He who know himself is enlightened.

Robin Williams

• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Frank Zappa

• A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a licence to behave like an asshole.